PART 2:
(If you didn't read the last blog entry, I suggest you read that one first.)
I had fully intended to journal our story day by day while we were in Uganda, but I wanted to be present and living in every moment, soaking up all that I could while we were there, so bear with me as I try to recount the past 8 days.
We won't ever be able to tell our son about how much he weighed when he was born or show him his "baby book", so this will have to serve as our first account of our life with him.
Day 1 and 2:
So we left at 5:35 am on a Thursday. Switched planes 4 times, and may I just add that the Ethiopian airport is just a tad scary.... By tad, I mean - a lot scary. And good thing I got some helpful tips and had packed some toilet paper since there wasn't any in the restrooms. Mike scavenged a small roll that fell on the floor in the mens restroom and he said that he had to salvage some scraps after it rolled around in 2" of liquids. Yikes! After about 25 hours, not forgetting the 7 hour time difference, we got to Uganda on Friday about 2:00pm.
Our guide Ronald picked us up and whisped us away to the Sheraton. We decided to fork over the $250 per night for the Sheraton due to all of the awful things that we had heard about the crime situation in Uganda, and they had an armed guard there with a gated entrance.
We were anticipating getting settled and waiting to meet "K" the next day.
The next day (Saturday) we found out that it would not be until 4:00pm that we would meet K instead of 9am. Then by noon we were informed it would be yet another day before we would meet our son. I could not get a straight answer from anyone as to what was going on. Uganda has an "Island time" sort of thing going on times 10. And everyone always says things like "its no problem" as a solution to any situation.
We were getting a little concerned that something was wrong or "off" but were being stalled to buy time. To fill the void, we went to the local market, where shopping is good for Mazoongos. (This is what they call us white folks.) We were not sure what to make of this term, but later had it better explained. It is not a racial slur, so to speak. They think that "all good things come from Mazoongos". They think we are all smart and educated and "rich". .... So its a bit of reverse racism I suppose.
So the Mazoongos typically want to go to the local craft market to buy locally made goods.
This was fun. I haggled the prices on everything since that's the thing to do. Kind of odd though because I had no idea what price I was bargaining for since I did not understand the conversion from US dollars to shillings. $5,000 shillings is about $1.90 , so I felt kind of bad later for the cheap cheap prices I paid for some beautiful handmade Uganda items.
Day 3.... (Sunday)This is the day we met him... A day that will be etched in our hearts forever!
We woke up with hearts filled of excitement and anticipation! Ate breakfast and asked about the local Calvary Chapel, as we go to church at Calvary Chapel of Charleston. We found out that it was only about 10 minutes away and if we hurried, we thought we would catch it half way through. So we quickly got dressed for church and had the hotel call a car for us. After the driver got lost several times, we wound up stopping a 3rd time so he could ask for directions again. Mike realized we were parked right in front of it, so we hurried to see what we could catch. As it turned out, everyone was leaving and we were just in time for the 3rd service! God's perfect timing.... We were told there were only 2 services! So this was only the 3rd place we saw mazoongos. The 1st 2 places were our hotel and the craft market. (Just for the record, as if anyone would doubt me: this does not bother me. I think the people of Uganda are beautiful and I'm perfectly comfortable with this. I'm simply painting a picture for you.) I'm thinking that most were missionaries and maybe other adopting families, but not sure. The service was great! Then we spoke briefly to the pastor and found that he had 2 adopted children as well.
After church, we decided to walk around the stores downtown. This was probably against Mike's better judgment, but at my urging. I really wanted to see a little more than just the hotel and the views from the car window. This would be more like a New York City- lined with small small shops (more like shops we are used to seeing versus the metal shacks along the roadside. There were also small restaurants and allies lined with merchants. There were lots of people, crowded streets and sidewalks, people in tattered clothing- some without shoes, awful smells of what might smell like an outhouse or a dump, and trash everywhere! I did not see any friendly faces and felt like folks were eyeballing Gabe's bookbag. I put my hand on my purse and walked quickly behind Mike. I was trying to keep Gabe close and also stay close to Mike, while keeping a confident and friendly appearance. I really surprised myself by this reaction. We were told so many awful things about the city and the people, and Mike read so may horror stories from online and from the local newspaper. We heard many warnings from people who were concerned with our safety, prior to going. I knew that we would be careful and I knew even the locals had told us to stay inside once it got dark, but I was almost ashamed for being so fearful of these people... After all- these were the people of Uganda.... The country where our son was from and a country that we will forever be a part of from here forward.
We later came to better understand why there seemed to be such a divide between us and the Ugandans..... It was said that they all respect Americans and actually want to see us, speak to us, and be around us. But as a whole, they are afraid of us. They fear getting too close to us because they know what we think of them. They know that we are told of horrible things and are warned to watch our children and our purses. We are warned not to speak to strangers and all kinds of things. They fear that if they make eye contact or come too close that will we will think that they are out to get us or are going to steal our purses. Now, don't get me wrong.... Those things still happen, but they happen everywhere. There are dangers in Uganda, just like there are dangers in any big city. But when this was explained to me, it broke my heart. After that, I went out of my way to make eye contact, to say hello, and even to touch the hands of children. The response I got was totally different. I could tell that people were very intrigued.
After getting lost in the city, while walking back to the hotel, we made it back with about 15 minutes to spare before meeting K.
If you read the last post you already have some incite as to how the big event started. (Again, if you didn't read the last post. Do it now.)
After we met him outside, we went into the hotel lobby. K and his grandmother speak a unique language called Runyonkole. Most Ugandans speak Luganda and English, so we couldn't even get other folks to translate for us. But we did spend some time the night before, going around the hotel and asking if anyone could speak the language. Luckily we were at a really large prominent hotel with many employees, so we were able to find 3 or 4 people who could speak and translate if we needed help. I went and found a lady named Anette at the front desk who agreed to help. So we sat in the lobby with 2 guys from the agency, K, his grandmother, and Anette. K sat in my lap on the floor while Mike was in a chair close bye, and Gabe sat on the floor next to us, making every effort to get K to smile, with little success. He was very timid, and there was a definite awkwardness in the air. We exchanged some pleasantries with the translators help. I was sure to ask Anette to be sure the grande understood the situation, as Mike was very bothered by the awful stories that we had read, about parents or guardians who had been tricked into giving up their children.... (They were told that the children would be sent to school in the U.S. And would later come home.... Meanwhile, unsuspecting good folks would be "adopting" a child who was essentially stolen from uneducated parents.) She said that she understood. I asked her if K knew who we were and she said "no". So, I'm not really sure what if anything he was told prior to meeting us.
K had a pretty bad cough, but the grande said it was no big deal. We could tell that the Grande was tired and after a 7 hour bus ride we asked if they were hungry. She said they were, so we offered dinner to all before they would take her away to her hotel. (We were very excited to find that she was going to leave K with us that night, as we weren't sure when he would be left with just us.)
We ate outside. We had to have a Anette translate the menu as well, but it was still difficult since they only have a few foods available in their village- very basic foods. We were sad to see the Grande's disappointment at the unfamiliar items on the menu. And all we could get K to eat was soda and fries, or "chips" as they call them.
Gabe managed to lure K in with a few match box cars at the table, and they were best of friends after that!
We ate and then it was time for the Grande to head to her hotel.
The 2 gentlemen and the grade quickly disappeared, without a word to K.... Not a hug or a kiss or a wave. I was so confused. Then my confusion shifted to concern, as I was afraid about how he would react when he realized she left without a word.... Left him with a bunch of funny looking strangers who he couldn't understand.
When he saw them disappear through the gate, he took off running and crying.... Ran right past Gabe as Gabe also stood in tears. I couldn't believe Gabe just let K run away like that, but Gabe could not stop crying. He was so hurt that K did not want to stay with us. I explained that this was perfectly normal and that any child would react like that. I managed to convince Gabe that this was no indication that he would not want to be a part of our family once he got to know us.
We went to the hotel playground with our "win a kid over quick" kit..... We brought balls, bubbles, and Hot Wheels. Pair those things with a see-saw, a merry-go-round, a slide, and some swings and what kid could resist!? We were all best of friends in no time!
Mike and I hadn't decided how we would introduce ourselves, but since we were already introduced as "mommy and daddy" , I figured we would go with that. I pointed to K and said his name, then went to Gabe, Mommy, and Daddy. I did this several times before I just pointed to K. I waited for him to say his own name, then went to Gabe and myself.... He got it right! "Gabe and Mommy"! But when I got to Mike- nothing- not a word. After several attempts with the same result, we tried one more time. This time instead of saying Daddy, he said "Mazoongoo" and started laughing. We all had a good chuckle.... Then we figured maybe there was something associated with that word that had a bad memory or wondered if maybe that made him think of his bio father, so I said "Poppy" and he instantly repeated me. So "Poppy" it was going to be for the moment.
As it got darker, we headed to the room. The night was what I was dreading, as even when we watch my niece- she still cries for mommy when it gets close to bed time.
K was quite dirty, so we wanted to get him cleaned up. We were a little hesitant on how to do this without making him feel violated, so it was much to our surprise that when we turned the shower on, he stripped down to his birthday suite and jumped in the shower. We were feeling much more awkward about this than he was, mostly since he wasn't ours yet.
But we got him cleaned up and fresh- nose, ears, and all and ready for bed. He climbed right in between Mike and Gabe and off to sleep he went. He was coughing quite a bit, and tossing and turning. I kept sitting up to look over and check on him. I don't know if Mike could feel that I wanted to be close to my new baby or if he really just couldn't sleep, but he asked if I wanted to trade places. I really wanted to and was so happy he asked. We traded. I slept on and off through the coughing and wiggling around, and I loved every minute of it!
I think our 1st day with K went pretty well!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
The Call and The Journey
PART 1:
We got the call about three and a half weeks ago..... we were expecting "the call" to tell us that we had a court date to travel and meet our son. We were told that there were 4 other families who all had their paperwork in and were "submitted to court" in Uganda about a week before us. Everyone else had gotten their court dates for 1st week, 2nd week,fourth week of June, and the last got a court date for the week of July 4th. So we were fully expecting to get a court date for the week after July 4th. A week went by and no news.... two weeks went by and no news. The third week came and I got a phone call as I was driving up to our home. Gabe, Mike, and Havannah were all out in the yard. This was the call we were waiting for. We got our court date! But not for the 2nd or 3rd week of July..... for June 26th, which was only 2 and a half weeks away!!!!!! We were told that we would most likely get a court date with 4-6 weeks notice before travel.
I really didn't know how to feel..... excited, scared, and quite honestly sick to my stomach from a perfect mixture of fear and excitement....... fear for our safety, fear for the safety of our oldest child, who would be traveling with us, and fear for leaving our youngest child behind ...... sadness and fear that she might forget us while we were gone. And quite possibly the biggest fear of all.... the fear of the unknown..... the moment that we had been waiting for all these many months.... the moment that we could in no way plan or prepare for..... the moment we would meet our new son.
I have tried to tell myself to think of it much in the same way you would think of giving birth to a new child..... until the moment you meet them, they are also an "unknown". You don't know what they will look like or what their personality will be like. You don't know how healthy they will be or if they will sleep through the night. So you also can not plan for giving birth to a certain degree. But I can now safely say that it is just different.
You can read the books and take the training. You can join adoption support groups and speak to other families that have adopted as well of other families that are in the process. You can google a million and one things and come up with checklists for what to pack (although we haven't used most of what we brought and have needed everything we didn't bring.) BUT there is no amount of planning that can prepare you for the moment that you will meet your child...... although even our birth children don't belong to us, they were only entrusted to us by God, but belong to Him..... our adopted children were first Gods, entrusted to and brought into this world by others.
The Journey......
In hindsight I am very thankful that we only got a little over 2 weeks notice because it was torture trying to plan the un-plannable in my head for 2 weeks... "role-playing" the moment of our first meeting- over and over a hundred different ways, only to know that it was just an exercise in keeping my mind occupied, because I knew that it would be nothing like any of those scenarios.
So after about 25 hours of travel and 2 more endless days of waiting once we got to Uganda, the real life version finally became a reality.
We got the phone call to say that our son was being brought to us, and they were about 15 minutes away. Mike, Gabe, and I had just made it back to the hotel after getting ourselves lost in downtown Kampala, which was a bit scary I will admit.
We got back just in time to run up to the room and get the puppy that we had bought for "k". Gabe ran circles in the lobby, squeezing the life out of the stuffed animals neck, while jumping up and down like a maniac. Mike and I were both worried that Gabe would scare K with his excitement and tried to calm him, to no avail.
Mike and I moved from some chairs in the lobby, to a bench closer to the door, and finally to standing out side...... (It really didn't matter where we waited because none of the locations would calm our nerves or change the outcome, but the movement made me feel better.) All the while, I was trying really hard not to cry because I wanted to look strong, like I had it all together. And I did not want to frighten K or his grandmother..... I knew that the culture was very different, they were probably scared of all of the things they had seen that were new to them, as they come from a small village about 7 hours away from Kampala, the capital, which is where we were. I also knew that they would not speak English and that it was possible they had never seen "Mazoongos" (their word for white people) and we knew nothing of what the grandmother had told K about what they were doing there....
We got the call about three and a half weeks ago..... we were expecting "the call" to tell us that we had a court date to travel and meet our son. We were told that there were 4 other families who all had their paperwork in and were "submitted to court" in Uganda about a week before us. Everyone else had gotten their court dates for 1st week, 2nd week,fourth week of June, and the last got a court date for the week of July 4th. So we were fully expecting to get a court date for the week after July 4th. A week went by and no news.... two weeks went by and no news. The third week came and I got a phone call as I was driving up to our home. Gabe, Mike, and Havannah were all out in the yard. This was the call we were waiting for. We got our court date! But not for the 2nd or 3rd week of July..... for June 26th, which was only 2 and a half weeks away!!!!!! We were told that we would most likely get a court date with 4-6 weeks notice before travel.
I really didn't know how to feel..... excited, scared, and quite honestly sick to my stomach from a perfect mixture of fear and excitement....... fear for our safety, fear for the safety of our oldest child, who would be traveling with us, and fear for leaving our youngest child behind ...... sadness and fear that she might forget us while we were gone. And quite possibly the biggest fear of all.... the fear of the unknown..... the moment that we had been waiting for all these many months.... the moment that we could in no way plan or prepare for..... the moment we would meet our new son.
I have tried to tell myself to think of it much in the same way you would think of giving birth to a new child..... until the moment you meet them, they are also an "unknown". You don't know what they will look like or what their personality will be like. You don't know how healthy they will be or if they will sleep through the night. So you also can not plan for giving birth to a certain degree. But I can now safely say that it is just different.
You can read the books and take the training. You can join adoption support groups and speak to other families that have adopted as well of other families that are in the process. You can google a million and one things and come up with checklists for what to pack (although we haven't used most of what we brought and have needed everything we didn't bring.) BUT there is no amount of planning that can prepare you for the moment that you will meet your child...... although even our birth children don't belong to us, they were only entrusted to us by God, but belong to Him..... our adopted children were first Gods, entrusted to and brought into this world by others.
The Journey......
In hindsight I am very thankful that we only got a little over 2 weeks notice because it was torture trying to plan the un-plannable in my head for 2 weeks... "role-playing" the moment of our first meeting- over and over a hundred different ways, only to know that it was just an exercise in keeping my mind occupied, because I knew that it would be nothing like any of those scenarios.
So after about 25 hours of travel and 2 more endless days of waiting once we got to Uganda, the real life version finally became a reality.
We got the phone call to say that our son was being brought to us, and they were about 15 minutes away. Mike, Gabe, and I had just made it back to the hotel after getting ourselves lost in downtown Kampala, which was a bit scary I will admit.
We got back just in time to run up to the room and get the puppy that we had bought for "k". Gabe ran circles in the lobby, squeezing the life out of the stuffed animals neck, while jumping up and down like a maniac. Mike and I were both worried that Gabe would scare K with his excitement and tried to calm him, to no avail.
Mike and I moved from some chairs in the lobby, to a bench closer to the door, and finally to standing out side...... (It really didn't matter where we waited because none of the locations would calm our nerves or change the outcome, but the movement made me feel better.) All the while, I was trying really hard not to cry because I wanted to look strong, like I had it all together. And I did not want to frighten K or his grandmother..... I knew that the culture was very different, they were probably scared of all of the things they had seen that were new to them, as they come from a small village about 7 hours away from Kampala, the capital, which is where we were. I also knew that they would not speak English and that it was possible they had never seen "Mazoongos" (their word for white people) and we knew nothing of what the grandmother had told K about what they were doing there....
So..... in talking to other adopting families and reading books, etc, you can never be prepared for the moment that you will meet your child, and I was fully prepared to accept the fact that we may not feel a connection to him right away. That would be perfectly normal. So I was actually worried about how long it would take to feel like he was mine........
When we were waiting outside for them, we knew it was him because we could see his Scooby Do shirt. This was the same shirt that he was wearing in the pictures from the referral that we had gotten several months back.... we saw them from across the parking lot. It took everything in me not to burst into tears and I felt like I needed super human strength not to take off running across the parking lot as they got closer and closer, as I didn't want to scare him.. When they finally got to us, I got down to my knees, and put my hands out, thinking that just maybe he would give me his hand, and even though I knew he did not speak English, I said the only thing that came to me which was "Hi, how are you?"
What came next was totally unexpected..... he came close and put his arms around me and said , "I'm fine".
It was kind of like the "Jerry McGuire" movie....... "He had me at hello".
It seemed like we held each other for 2 or 3 minutes..... STILL I do not know who he thinks I am at this moment.....
I just turned into a well of tears and that was it. I loved him at that moment, and in that moment I knew that I had always loved him.
God has been preparing this meeting and this journey since before I was in my mothers womb. I am so thankful for the plans He has for us and our future as a family.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Moving Forward
So we have decided that k is to be ours. We feel strongly that the date we received the referral was God's way of reassuring us of that.
So we have finalized the paperwork on our end and sent it off with the remainder of the agency fees. The paperwork has reached Uganda and the attorneys have submitted the paperwork to court. We are officially waiting for a court date now!
We should expect to hear nothing for the next 1-2 months. When we get the call for our court date, we expect to travel within 4-5 weeks and be there for 7-10 days. We will be taking Gabe with us and leaving the little lady behind. This will be a life changing experience for all of us!
We will get to meet k and spend some time with him. As of right now, we do not know if he will be left alone with us or if it will be supervised because we won't go to court until the end of that week.... We will have to appear before the judge and ask permission to adopt k. I am told that the decision most likely will not even be made while we are in country. We will have to return home, leaving our son behind. I just can't even fathom what that will be like! .....I think that it will seem less painful each time I have to say it, but it still has the same sting!
Another little surprise ...... Because K's village borders the Congo, it is of course extremely dangerous there, which means that we will not be allowed to go visit his village.... Never to see where our son comes from, so that as he gets older we could help fill in some of the gaps in his life.
I'd like to think that we will be all he needs, but still shutter to think there may be an emptiness in his heart for a home that he won't remember and for his native tongue that he will eventually lose. As much as we can give him, that will forever be a piece of himself that will be gone.
So, once we leave Uganda after the first trip, we will wait for the judge to make a ruling. When the judge rules, our attorney will be there to relay the news back to us. At this point we will be granted guardianship. .....Well, we hope!Then we will have to wait another 4-6ish weeks before we can travel back to bring our boy home. We will have to be there 2-3 weeks for the 2nd trip. This is where a lot of the expense comes in since we have paid all of our agency fees.
I hope I will have K with me while I am there, but do not yet know how that will work. Because Mike's job is not quite as flexible, I will have to go this trip alone. My mom has volunteered to join me. I'm sure this journey together will be one that will be etched, in detail, in our minds and hearts together!
The purpose of this visit is to get visa and immigration paperwork handled and then we will be bringing K home to the 2nd part of his life!
I think that this is how we will have to look at it...... there will be 2 distinct parts to his life...... one part that belongs to his biological parents and one part that belongs to us.
We will never know holding him in our arms as a baby and have the stories of his first word or first steps, but I'm ok with that because those will forever belong to the beautiful human beings who created him and loved him all those years before we were there. I am sad that there had to be such a loss to create the new love and life that we will have together. We will forever be thankful for it as well. It is such a beautiful bitter sweet journey.
So we have finalized the paperwork on our end and sent it off with the remainder of the agency fees. The paperwork has reached Uganda and the attorneys have submitted the paperwork to court. We are officially waiting for a court date now!
We should expect to hear nothing for the next 1-2 months. When we get the call for our court date, we expect to travel within 4-5 weeks and be there for 7-10 days. We will be taking Gabe with us and leaving the little lady behind. This will be a life changing experience for all of us!
We will get to meet k and spend some time with him. As of right now, we do not know if he will be left alone with us or if it will be supervised because we won't go to court until the end of that week.... We will have to appear before the judge and ask permission to adopt k. I am told that the decision most likely will not even be made while we are in country. We will have to return home, leaving our son behind. I just can't even fathom what that will be like! .....I think that it will seem less painful each time I have to say it, but it still has the same sting!
Another little surprise ...... Because K's village borders the Congo, it is of course extremely dangerous there, which means that we will not be allowed to go visit his village.... Never to see where our son comes from, so that as he gets older we could help fill in some of the gaps in his life.
I'd like to think that we will be all he needs, but still shutter to think there may be an emptiness in his heart for a home that he won't remember and for his native tongue that he will eventually lose. As much as we can give him, that will forever be a piece of himself that will be gone.
So, once we leave Uganda after the first trip, we will wait for the judge to make a ruling. When the judge rules, our attorney will be there to relay the news back to us. At this point we will be granted guardianship. .....Well, we hope!Then we will have to wait another 4-6ish weeks before we can travel back to bring our boy home. We will have to be there 2-3 weeks for the 2nd trip. This is where a lot of the expense comes in since we have paid all of our agency fees.
I hope I will have K with me while I am there, but do not yet know how that will work. Because Mike's job is not quite as flexible, I will have to go this trip alone. My mom has volunteered to join me. I'm sure this journey together will be one that will be etched, in detail, in our minds and hearts together!
The purpose of this visit is to get visa and immigration paperwork handled and then we will be bringing K home to the 2nd part of his life!
I think that this is how we will have to look at it...... there will be 2 distinct parts to his life...... one part that belongs to his biological parents and one part that belongs to us.
We will never know holding him in our arms as a baby and have the stories of his first word or first steps, but I'm ok with that because those will forever belong to the beautiful human beings who created him and loved him all those years before we were there. I am sad that there had to be such a loss to create the new love and life that we will have together. We will forever be thankful for it as well. It is such a beautiful bitter sweet journey.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
The Decision
So we have 2 weeks to accept or decline our referral. We decide to follow the original plan.....there is a special department at MUSC, the children's hospital, for international adoption. You basically pay a fee and then send all of your referral information, pictures, videos, etc. They will review all of the information and then give you whatever their assessment/findings are. They have 48 hours to review and get back to you. ....while I feel like every second counts, and that is 48 hours longer that we will potentially be separated from our son, we need to be diligent. So we send the info an wait.
The doctor calls and says that K appears to be healthy and well nourished> he has the sickel cell gene, but its not active and should have limited to no effects on him. She also says that he is probably more like 4, rather than 3. (We already knew that his exact age was in question, and thought he looked a little tall for a 3 year old.) She said this is very common with African adoptions. For whatever reason, the children are often stated to be younger that they really are. Sometimes this is intentional to make the children seem more desirable, and sometimes its just because they really do not know the exact age. How could this be? Well, if they find the children orphaned in the streets, then they have absolutely no history or source of information. Other than that, life is just very different. I am told they don't use calendars, they don't usually get birth certificates when they are born, they don't have their babies in hospitals, and they don't celebrate birthdays. So a specific date of birth really has very little importance to them.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you that there was one more little suprise...... You may or may not know this, but Uganda was colonized by England, so they actually speak English there. So we were very surprised when we found out that K's village borders the Congo, and they speak a very foreign language there!
So this adds to our trepidation..... He is really at the top of the age range we were looking for, or older, he carries a scary gene trait that we know nothing about, and we could have a 4 or 5 year old that doesn't speak English.....on top of the fact that we were saddened to think that he actually has a grandmother who loves him but can not care for him. On top of all the loss this little guy has already experienced in his life, how could we take him from someone who is blood who loves him? Take him away from everything h
e has ever known, to a land of strange faces and strange sights, sounds, foods?
I don't know what we had in our minds, but I feel like my picture was something more of us "saving" him from a life of desolation, where he knew no family and no love. Now it saddens me deeply to think of causing more pain in his life. I just don't know.
There are 2 things I know..... one is:
God is the ONLY one who truly "saves, so I realize that maybe the idea of "saving" him is something more of a "god-complex", and we should be more focused on listening for Gods quiet still voice.
The 2nd is this: Fear is of the enemy!
2 Timothy1:7 says: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. KJV
I decide to go to prayer for God to speak to me and open my eyes to the answer.
Now that I am trying to re-focus and center back to home, I also realize God has already given us the answer, but I was so busy trying to figure it out on my own that I almost missed it! Thursday, the day before Good Friday, which is the Friday before Easter...... This is the day that we got our referral, which is also by NO COINCIDENCE the same exact day 2 years ago, that I found out we were expecting our 2nd child... our daughter Havannah Lilly. God knew us in our mothers' wombs and he knows our hearts. He also knew the fear that we would have and ever so perfectly planned this to calm our hearts and quiet our minds, many many years ago.
I think that as Christians we still often forget that we need not rely on our own wisdom and understanding, and if we could do it all and understand it all on our own, it would leave no room for God. We sometimes need to stop trying to do it ourselves and let God show up for us!
The doctor calls and says that K appears to be healthy and well nourished> he has the sickel cell gene, but its not active and should have limited to no effects on him. She also says that he is probably more like 4, rather than 3. (We already knew that his exact age was in question, and thought he looked a little tall for a 3 year old.) She said this is very common with African adoptions. For whatever reason, the children are often stated to be younger that they really are. Sometimes this is intentional to make the children seem more desirable, and sometimes its just because they really do not know the exact age. How could this be? Well, if they find the children orphaned in the streets, then they have absolutely no history or source of information. Other than that, life is just very different. I am told they don't use calendars, they don't usually get birth certificates when they are born, they don't have their babies in hospitals, and they don't celebrate birthdays. So a specific date of birth really has very little importance to them.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you that there was one more little suprise...... You may or may not know this, but Uganda was colonized by England, so they actually speak English there. So we were very surprised when we found out that K's village borders the Congo, and they speak a very foreign language there!
So this adds to our trepidation..... He is really at the top of the age range we were looking for, or older, he carries a scary gene trait that we know nothing about, and we could have a 4 or 5 year old that doesn't speak English.....on top of the fact that we were saddened to think that he actually has a grandmother who loves him but can not care for him. On top of all the loss this little guy has already experienced in his life, how could we take him from someone who is blood who loves him? Take him away from everything h
e has ever known, to a land of strange faces and strange sights, sounds, foods?
I don't know what we had in our minds, but I feel like my picture was something more of us "saving" him from a life of desolation, where he knew no family and no love. Now it saddens me deeply to think of causing more pain in his life. I just don't know.
There are 2 things I know..... one is:
God is the ONLY one who truly "saves, so I realize that maybe the idea of "saving" him is something more of a "god-complex", and we should be more focused on listening for Gods quiet still voice.
The 2nd is this: Fear is of the enemy!
2 Timothy1:7 says: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. KJV
I decide to go to prayer for God to speak to me and open my eyes to the answer.
Now that I am trying to re-focus and center back to home, I also realize God has already given us the answer, but I was so busy trying to figure it out on my own that I almost missed it! Thursday, the day before Good Friday, which is the Friday before Easter...... This is the day that we got our referral, which is also by NO COINCIDENCE the same exact day 2 years ago, that I found out we were expecting our 2nd child... our daughter Havannah Lilly. God knew us in our mothers' wombs and he knows our hearts. He also knew the fear that we would have and ever so perfectly planned this to calm our hearts and quiet our minds, many many years ago.
I think that as Christians we still often forget that we need not rely on our own wisdom and understanding, and if we could do it all and understand it all on our own, it would leave no room for God. We sometimes need to stop trying to do it ourselves and let God show up for us!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
The BIG NEWS
Well, I'm not quite sure where to start..... So much has happened since my last blog. Hmm. Ok so rewind to the week before Easter.... Today would be March 28th....So I'm sitting at my parents house, where I go for lunch or a cup of coffee sometimes while I'm in there area on a work day, since they live about 45 minutes from my house. Meanwhile, Mike and Gabe are at home sick today with the stomach bug. So my mom isn't home, it's just me and my dad. My phone was over by the door, where I have to take my shoes off when I come in because no shoes allowed in the house. My phone was almost dead and I didn't have my charger, so I didn't think there was even any juice left in it. Dad and I are talking and I hear my phone ring, but didn't go get it because I didn't want to be rude. Then it rings again right after it had stopped, so I figure maybe it's something important, so I run over to get it but have now missed the 2nd call as well. Look at caller I.D. And it's an out of town number that I don't recognize so I quickly check my voice mail before the battery goes dead. It's our case worker at our agency , with a simple message to call her. I instantly get chills because I know there is absolutely no reason fer her to be calling me at this point unless she has news of some sort...... But the only news we are waiting on is that they have found our son, and it couldn't be that because we only started this process in December and I know people that have been waiting almost 2 years for a referal. Still..... I'm hopeful because I have had this feeling over the last few weeks that it was coming soon. I mean God has been planning this since the day I was born and even though everyone has said that it would be months or years, I know God has been working on this for longer than anyone realizes it.
So I call A (we are not supposed to use names.) The 1st thing she asks is if Mike is with me and now I know! I know I am about to get news that will change our lives forever, so I can't even speak. I get that slightly light headed feeling and my eyes start to water, and I try to talk but my throat is thick. So I am quiet for a moment to collect myself, and she checks to see if I am still on the line. I put my phone on speaker now because my dad is next to me and I want him to hear what she is going to say next..... I finally am able to tell her that I am at my parents house and Mike is at home sick. So she tells me that they have a referal for us.....they have identified our son! He is a 3 year old healthy boy named "k" , as we shall call him for mandatory privacy reasons. He lives with his grandmother and both of his biological parents are gone. A said she has a few pictures , along with his social and medical history that she will send me in an email, only if I promise not to open it until I am home with Mike. So I give her my word. Meanwhile, my dad is doing his dad thing. He is sitting next to me telling me to ask this question and that question.... What happened to the parents, what happens if the grandmother changes her mind, what if he is sick with something we don't know about. Ok, so I don't blame him.... This is what dads do, but I was kind of hoping that he could savor this moment with me and be a little more heart and less head for the moment.
So I go into the other room to call Mike and Gabe to give them the news. It's sort of bitter sweet since Mike is in bed, feeling near death. So I give them the news and head home. Now, I'm actually kind of glad that my cell phone is almost dead because I'm worried I will be tempted to look at his picture before I get home.
Now I'm home...made it all the way without peaking. Go into the room, where Mike is laying in the bed, so I get his laptop and call Gabe into the room. We open the email together and there he is! What a handsome little man! He's tall and looks to be healthy and he's handsome. So, tall and good looking.... Definitely takes after his mom already :) and he's wearing a Scooby Doo shirt, standing on a dirt road, next to Granny, and maybe he's wearing bedroom slippers? There is a small house behind them in the picture. Is this where he lives? So many things going through our minds, as we open the attachments. There is some medical information and social information about him, his birth parents, his village, etc.
Now we officially have 2 weeks to either accept the referal or decline it. If we accept, we are saying that we want him as our son. So this is the moment we have been waiting on, but how do we know for sure he is our son? I don't know how you "know". I think I thought that you would feel a certain way, or just know, but now there are all sorts of emotions and A sort of fear that I didn't expect. Fear? I just don't understand my own emotions. We agree that we will wait for Gods lead, meanwhile we will follow the logical next steps that we had agreed upon following at this point. God, I know you have brought us this far, we put our faith in you!
So I call A (we are not supposed to use names.) The 1st thing she asks is if Mike is with me and now I know! I know I am about to get news that will change our lives forever, so I can't even speak. I get that slightly light headed feeling and my eyes start to water, and I try to talk but my throat is thick. So I am quiet for a moment to collect myself, and she checks to see if I am still on the line. I put my phone on speaker now because my dad is next to me and I want him to hear what she is going to say next..... I finally am able to tell her that I am at my parents house and Mike is at home sick. So she tells me that they have a referal for us.....they have identified our son! He is a 3 year old healthy boy named "k" , as we shall call him for mandatory privacy reasons. He lives with his grandmother and both of his biological parents are gone. A said she has a few pictures , along with his social and medical history that she will send me in an email, only if I promise not to open it until I am home with Mike. So I give her my word. Meanwhile, my dad is doing his dad thing. He is sitting next to me telling me to ask this question and that question.... What happened to the parents, what happens if the grandmother changes her mind, what if he is sick with something we don't know about. Ok, so I don't blame him.... This is what dads do, but I was kind of hoping that he could savor this moment with me and be a little more heart and less head for the moment.
So I go into the other room to call Mike and Gabe to give them the news. It's sort of bitter sweet since Mike is in bed, feeling near death. So I give them the news and head home. Now, I'm actually kind of glad that my cell phone is almost dead because I'm worried I will be tempted to look at his picture before I get home.
Now I'm home...made it all the way without peaking. Go into the room, where Mike is laying in the bed, so I get his laptop and call Gabe into the room. We open the email together and there he is! What a handsome little man! He's tall and looks to be healthy and he's handsome. So, tall and good looking.... Definitely takes after his mom already :) and he's wearing a Scooby Doo shirt, standing on a dirt road, next to Granny, and maybe he's wearing bedroom slippers? There is a small house behind them in the picture. Is this where he lives? So many things going through our minds, as we open the attachments. There is some medical information and social information about him, his birth parents, his village, etc.
Now we officially have 2 weeks to either accept the referal or decline it. If we accept, we are saying that we want him as our son. So this is the moment we have been waiting on, but how do we know for sure he is our son? I don't know how you "know". I think I thought that you would feel a certain way, or just know, but now there are all sorts of emotions and A sort of fear that I didn't expect. Fear? I just don't understand my own emotions. We agree that we will wait for Gods lead, meanwhile we will follow the logical next steps that we had agreed upon following at this point. God, I know you have brought us this far, we put our faith in you!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Update
Well, I haven't updated you all for a while, so there are some exciting things that have been happening!
First of all, we were officially approved by SC DSS a fe weeks ago! Although, we were already approved and put on the waiting list by our agency, it is just 1 more formality off the checklist.
S here is how the waiting list part works..... Each agency has its own group of orphanages or agencies that it works with in each specific country. So not everyone is looking at the same group of little ones. Our agency goes through the foster care system in Uganda, mainly because before they set up their program in Uganda, they met with the government officials to ask what the preferred method was..... This is very important because there is a lot of people AGAINST international adoption in Uganda, and since the country has only been open for international adoption for a few short years, it is still a very delicate situation.
So anyhow, now that we are "paper ready" we wait! How many families are paper ready, in front of us- who are also looking for a 2-4 year old boy? 0!!! So, what that means folks is that I just got goose bumps. So even there are 143 million orphans, they each have to have official orphan paperwork so to speak, before they can be adopted. This costs money, so they done start on the paperwork for any given child until a family has been cleared and approved, who is looking for a babe that fits their description, so to speak..... When i say description, I mean things like Ge, gender, health, ect.
So it's been a few weeks, and we have been pretty busy with fundraising through our yard sales and just normal life. It was weird to go from talking or emailing with our social worker almost every day for the past few months to now not talking for a few weeks, so I called the other day, just to see if there was any word.
She said they do have a boy who fits our wants. They are working on his paperwork, but she is not allowed to tell me anything about him yet. I almost cried when she to.d me thAt we might be matched and have a picture within a few short weeks to a month!
Crazy exciting and yes-a little scary too.
I'm loving life-my hubby, 2 children, and all of the other blessings God has already given me, and looking forward to even more blessings when we finally bring our boy home..... To be continued.
First of all, we were officially approved by SC DSS a fe weeks ago! Although, we were already approved and put on the waiting list by our agency, it is just 1 more formality off the checklist.
S here is how the waiting list part works..... Each agency has its own group of orphanages or agencies that it works with in each specific country. So not everyone is looking at the same group of little ones. Our agency goes through the foster care system in Uganda, mainly because before they set up their program in Uganda, they met with the government officials to ask what the preferred method was..... This is very important because there is a lot of people AGAINST international adoption in Uganda, and since the country has only been open for international adoption for a few short years, it is still a very delicate situation.
So anyhow, now that we are "paper ready" we wait! How many families are paper ready, in front of us- who are also looking for a 2-4 year old boy? 0!!! So, what that means folks is that I just got goose bumps. So even there are 143 million orphans, they each have to have official orphan paperwork so to speak, before they can be adopted. This costs money, so they done start on the paperwork for any given child until a family has been cleared and approved, who is looking for a babe that fits their description, so to speak..... When i say description, I mean things like Ge, gender, health, ect.
So it's been a few weeks, and we have been pretty busy with fundraising through our yard sales and just normal life. It was weird to go from talking or emailing with our social worker almost every day for the past few months to now not talking for a few weeks, so I called the other day, just to see if there was any word.
She said they do have a boy who fits our wants. They are working on his paperwork, but she is not allowed to tell me anything about him yet. I almost cried when she to.d me thAt we might be matched and have a picture within a few short weeks to a month!
Crazy exciting and yes-a little scary too.
I'm loving life-my hubby, 2 children, and all of the other blessings God has already given me, and looking forward to even more blessings when we finally bring our boy home..... To be continued.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Yard sale fundraiser for month of February!
Something for everyone!
We have been collecting donated items for months and the 2 car garage is now full of stuff waiting for you......
Men's clothes
Baby clothes
Furniture
Toys
Kitchen ware
Radio flyer wagon
Outdoor furnace
Bookshelf
Snow skis
Couches
Sleeper sofa
Toddler bed
Tvs
Printers
Scanner
Copier
2 retro ottomans
Entertainment center
Brand new recessed lights in boxes
Tons of high end trophies
Picture frames
Kitchen table and chairs
Curtains
All kinds of odds and ends
Also, we will have Duncan Donuts and coffee for the early crowd!!!!
7:00am
9105 Markleys grove blvd
Summerville,sc29485
Find some great deals AND your money will go to a great cause!
Check out our blog as well
Http://uganda-babylovestory.blogspot.com
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