The Journey Part 2

PART 2:
(If you didn't read the last blog entry, I suggest you read that one first.)

I had fully intended to journal our story day by day while we were in Uganda, but I wanted to be present and living in every moment, soaking up all that I could while we were there, so bear with me as I try to recount the past 8 days.
We won't ever be able to tell our son about how much he weighed when he was born or show him his "baby book", so this will have to serve as our first account of our life with him.
Day 1 and 2:
So we left at 5:35 am on a Thursday. Switched planes 4 times, and may I just add that the Ethiopian airport is just a tad scary.... By tad, I mean - a lot scary. And good thing I got some helpful tips and had packed some toilet paper since there wasn't any in the restrooms. Mike scavenged a small roll that fell on the floor in the mens restroom and he said  that he had to salvage some scraps after it rolled around in 2" of liquids. Yikes! After about 25 hours, not forgetting the 7 hour time difference, we got to Uganda on Friday about 2:00pm. 
Our guide Ronald picked us up and whisped us away to the Sheraton. We decided to fork over the $250 per night for the Sheraton due to all of the awful things that we had heard about the crime situation in Uganda, and they had an armed guard there with a gated entrance.
We were anticipating getting settled and waiting to meet "K" the next day.
The next day (Saturday) we found out that it would not be until 4:00pm that we would meet K instead of 9am. Then by noon we were informed it would  be yet another day before we would meet our son. I could not get a straight answer from anyone as to what was going on. Uganda has an "Island time" sort of thing going on times 10. And everyone always says things like "its no problem" as a solution to any situation. 
We were getting a little concerned that something was wrong or "off" but were  being stalled to buy time. To fill the void, we went to the local market, where shopping is good for Mazoongos. (This is what they call us white folks.) We were not sure what to make of this term, but later had it better explained. It is not a racial slur, so to speak. They think that "all good things come from Mazoongos". They think we are all smart and educated and "rich". .... So its a bit of reverse racism I suppose. 
So the Mazoongos typically want to go to the local craft market to buy locally made goods.
This was fun. I haggled the prices on everything since that's the thing to do. Kind of odd though because I had no idea what price  I was bargaining for since I did not understand the conversion from US dollars to shillings. $5,000 shillings is about $1.90 , so I felt kind of bad later for the cheap cheap prices I paid for some beautiful handmade Uganda items.

Day 3.... (Sunday)This is the day we met him... A day that will be etched in our hearts forever!
We woke up with hearts filled of excitement and anticipation! Ate breakfast and asked about the local Calvary Chapel, as we go to church at Calvary Chapel of Charleston. We found out that it was only about 10 minutes away and if we hurried, we thought we would catch it half way through. So we quickly got dressed for church and had the hotel call a car for us. After the driver got lost several times, we wound up stopping a 3rd time so he could ask for directions again. Mike realized we were parked right in front of it, so we hurried to see what we could catch. As it turned out, everyone was leaving and we were just in time for the 3rd service! God's perfect timing.... We were told there were only 2 services! So this was only the 3rd place we saw mazoongos. The 1st 2 places were our hotel and the craft market. (Just for the record, as if anyone would doubt me: this does not bother me. I think the people of Uganda are beautiful and I'm perfectly comfortable with this. I'm simply painting a picture for you.) I'm thinking that most were missionaries and maybe other adopting families, but not sure. The service was great! Then we spoke briefly to the pastor and found that he had 2 adopted children as well. 
After church, we decided to walk around the stores downtown. This was probably against Mike's better judgment, but at my urging. I really wanted to see a little more than just the hotel and the views from the car window.  This would be more like a New York City- lined with small small shops (more like shops we are used to seeing versus the metal shacks along the roadside. There were also small restaurants and allies lined with merchants. There were lots of people, crowded streets and sidewalks, people in tattered clothing- some without shoes, awful smells of what might smell like an outhouse or a dump, and trash everywhere! I did not see any friendly faces and felt like folks were eyeballing Gabe's bookbag. I put my hand on my purse and walked quickly behind Mike. I was trying to keep Gabe close and also stay close to Mike, while keeping a confident and friendly appearance. I really surprised myself by this reaction. We were told so many awful things about the city and the people, and Mike read so may horror stories from online and from the local newspaper. We heard many warnings from people who were concerned with our safety, prior to going. I knew that we would be careful and I knew even the locals had told us to stay inside once it got dark, but I was almost ashamed for being so fearful of these people... After all- these were the people of Uganda.... The country where our son was from and a country that we will forever be a part of from here forward. 
We later came to better understand why there seemed to be such a divide between us and the Ugandans..... It was said that they all respect Americans and actually want to see us, speak to us, and be around us. But as a whole, they are afraid of us. They fear getting too close to us because they know what we think of them. They know that we are told of horrible things and are warned to watch our children and our purses. We are warned not to speak to strangers and all kinds of things. They fear that if they make eye contact or come too close that will we will think that they are out to get us or are going to steal our purses. Now, don't get me wrong.... Those things still happen, but they happen everywhere. There are dangers in Uganda, just like there are dangers in any big city. But when this was explained to me, it broke my heart. After that, I went out of my way to make eye contact, to say hello, and even to touch the hands of children. The response I got was totally different. I could tell that people were very intrigued.
After getting lost in the city, while walking back to the hotel, we made it back with about 15 minutes to spare before meeting K.
If you read the last post you already have some incite as to how the big event started. (Again, if you didn't read the last post. Do it now.)

After we met him outside, we went into the hotel lobby. K and his grandmother speak a unique language called Runyonkole. Most Ugandans speak Luganda and English, so we couldn't even get other folks to translate for us. But we did spend some time the night before, going around the hotel and asking if anyone could speak the language. Luckily we were at a really large prominent hotel with many employees, so we were able to find 3 or 4 people who could speak and translate if we needed help. I went and found a lady named Anette at the front desk who agreed to help. So we sat in the lobby with 2 guys from the agency, K, his grandmother, and Anette. K sat in my lap on the floor while Mike was in a chair close bye, and Gabe sat on the floor next to us, making every effort to get K to smile, with little success. He was very timid, and there was a definite awkwardness in the air. We exchanged some pleasantries with the translators help. I was sure to ask Anette to be sure the grande understood the situation, as Mike was very bothered by the awful stories that we had read, about parents or guardians who had been tricked into giving up their children.... (They were told that the children would be sent to school in the U.S. And would later come home.... Meanwhile, unsuspecting good folks would be "adopting" a child who was essentially stolen from uneducated parents.) She said that she understood. I asked her if K knew who we were and she said "no". So, I'm not really sure what if anything he was told prior to meeting us. 
K had a pretty bad cough, but the grande said it was no big deal. We could tell that the Grande was tired and after a 7 hour bus ride we asked if they were hungry. She said they were, so we offered dinner to all before they would take her away to her hotel. (We were very excited to find that she was going to leave K with us that night, as we weren't sure when he would be left with just us.)  
We ate outside. We had to have a Anette translate the menu as well, but it was still difficult since they only have a few foods available in their village- very basic foods. We were sad to see the Grande's disappointment at the unfamiliar items on the menu. And all we could get K to eat was soda and fries, or "chips" as they call them.  
Gabe managed to lure K in with a few match box cars at the table, and they were best of friends after that!
We ate and then it was time for the Grande to head to her hotel. 
The 2 gentlemen and the grade quickly disappeared, without a word to K.... Not a hug or a kiss or a wave. I was so confused. Then my confusion shifted to concern, as I was afraid about how he would react when he realized she left without a word.... Left him with a bunch of funny looking strangers who he couldn't understand.
When he saw them disappear through the gate, he took off running and crying.... Ran right past Gabe as Gabe also stood in tears. I couldn't believe Gabe just let K run away like that, but Gabe could not stop crying. He was so hurt that K did not want to stay with us. I explained that this was perfectly normal and that any child would react like that. I managed to convince Gabe that this was no indication that he would not want to be a part of our family once he got to know us.
We went to the hotel playground with our "win a kid over quick" kit..... We brought balls, bubbles, and Hot Wheels. Pair those things with a see-saw, a merry-go-round, a slide, and some swings and what kid could resist!? We were all best of friends in no time! 
Mike and I hadn't decided how we would introduce ourselves, but since we were already introduced as "mommy and daddy" , I figured we would go with that. I pointed to K and said his name, then went to Gabe, Mommy, and Daddy. I did this several times before I just pointed to K. I waited for him to say his own name, then went to Gabe and myself.... He got it right! "Gabe and Mommy"! But when I got to Mike- nothing- not a word. After several attempts with the same result, we tried one more time. This time instead of saying Daddy, he said "Mazoongoo" and started laughing. We all had a good chuckle.... Then we figured maybe there was something associated with that word that had a bad memory or wondered if maybe that made him think of his bio father, so I said "Poppy" and he instantly repeated me. So "Poppy" it was going to be for the moment.     

As it got darker, we headed to the room. The night was what I was dreading, as even when we watch my niece- she still cries for mommy when it gets close to bed time.

K was quite dirty, so we wanted to get him cleaned up. We were a little hesitant on how to do this without making him feel violated, so it was much to our surprise that when we turned the shower on, he stripped down to his birthday suite and jumped in the shower. We were feeling much more awkward about this than he was, mostly since he wasn't ours yet.
But we got him cleaned up and fresh- nose, ears, and all and ready for bed. He climbed right in between Mike and Gabe and off to sleep he went. He was coughing quite a bit, and tossing and turning. I kept sitting up to look over and check on him. I don't know if Mike could feel that I wanted to be close to my new baby or if he really just couldn't sleep, but he asked if I wanted to trade places. I really wanted to and was so happy he asked. We traded. I slept on and off through the coughing and wiggling around, and I loved every minute of it! 

I think our 1st day with K went pretty well!

The Call and The Journey

PART 1:
We got the call about three and a half weeks ago..... we were expecting "the call" to tell us that we had a court date to travel and meet our son.  We were told that there were 4 other families who all had their paperwork in and were "submitted to court" in Uganda about a week before us. Everyone else had gotten their court dates for 1st week, 2nd week,fourth week of June, and the last got a court date for the week of July 4th. So we were fully expecting to get a court date for the week after July 4th. A week went by and no news.... two weeks went by and no news. The third week came and I got a phone call as I was driving up to our home. Gabe, Mike, and Havannah were all out in the yard. This was the call we were waiting for.  We got our court date! But not for the 2nd or 3rd week of July..... for June 26th, which was only 2 and a half weeks away!!!!!! We were told that we would most likely get a court date with 4-6 weeks notice before travel.
I really didn't know how to feel..... excited, scared, and quite honestly sick to my stomach from a perfect mixture of fear and excitement....... fear for our safety, fear for the safety of our oldest child, who would be traveling with us, and fear for leaving our youngest child behind ...... sadness and fear that she might forget us while we were gone. And quite possibly the biggest fear of all.... the fear of the unknown..... the moment that we had been waiting for all these many months.... the moment that we could in no way plan or prepare for..... the moment we would meet our new son.
I have tried to tell myself to think of it much in the same way you would think of giving birth to a new child..... until the moment you meet them, they are also an "unknown".  You don't know what they will look like or what their personality will be like. You don't know how healthy they will be or if they will sleep through the night. So you also can not plan for giving birth to a certain degree. But I can now safely say that it is just different.

You can read the books and take the training. You can join adoption support groups and speak to other families that have adopted as well of other families that are in the process. You can google a million and one things and come up with checklists for what to pack (although we haven't used most of what we brought and have needed everything we didn't bring.) BUT there is no amount of planning that can prepare you for the moment that you will meet your child...... although even our birth children don't belong to us, they were only entrusted to us by God, but belong to Him..... our adopted children were first Gods, entrusted to and brought into this world by others.

The Journey......
In hindsight I am very thankful that we only got a little over 2 weeks notice because it was torture trying to plan the un-plannable in my head for 2 weeks... "role-playing" the moment of our first meeting- over and over a hundred different ways, only to know that it was just an exercise in keeping my mind occupied, because I knew that it would be nothing like any of those scenarios.
So after about 25 hours of travel and 2 more endless days of waiting once we got to Uganda, the real life version finally became a reality.
We got the phone call to say that our son was being brought to us, and they were about 15 minutes away. Mike, Gabe, and I had just made it back to the hotel after getting ourselves lost in downtown Kampala, which was a bit scary I will admit.
We got back just in time to run up to the room and get the puppy that we had bought for "k".  Gabe ran circles in the lobby, squeezing the life out of the stuffed animals neck, while jumping up and down like a maniac.  Mike and I were both worried that Gabe would scare K with his excitement and tried to calm him, to no avail.
Mike and I moved from some chairs in the lobby, to a bench closer to the door, and finally to standing out side...... (It really didn't matter where we waited because none of the locations would calm our nerves or change the outcome, but the movement made me feel better.) All the while, I was trying really hard not to cry because I wanted to look strong, like I had it all together. And I did not want to frighten K or his grandmother..... I knew that the culture was very different, they were probably scared of all of the things they had seen that were new to them, as they come from a small village about 7 hours away from Kampala, the capital, which is where we were. I also knew that they would not speak English and that it was possible they had never seen "Mazoongos" (their word for white people) and we knew nothing of what the grandmother had told K about what they were doing there....

So..... in talking to other adopting families and reading books, etc, you can never be prepared for the moment that you will meet your child, and I was fully prepared to accept the fact that we may not feel a connection to him right away. That would be perfectly normal. So I was actually worried about how long it would take to feel like he was mine........

When we were waiting outside for them, we knew it was him because we could see his Scooby Do shirt. This was the same shirt that he was wearing in the pictures from the referral that we had gotten several months back.... we saw them from across the parking lot. It took everything in me not to burst into tears and I felt like I needed super human strength not to take off running across the parking lot as they got closer and closer, as I didn't want to scare him.. When they finally got to us, I got down to my knees, and put my hands out, thinking that just maybe he would give me his hand, and even though I knew he did not speak English, I said the only thing that came to me which was "Hi, how are you?"

What came next was totally unexpected..... he came close and put his arms around me and said , "I'm fine".

It was kind of like the "Jerry McGuire" movie....... "He had me at hello".

It seemed like we held each other for 2 or 3 minutes..... STILL I do not know who he thinks I am at this moment.....

I just turned into a well of tears and that was it. I loved him at that moment, and in that moment I knew that I had always loved him.

God has been preparing this meeting and this journey since before I was in my mothers womb. I am so thankful for the plans He has for us and our future as a family.